Binge Eating Support

“Whateva, whateva, I do what I want!”

 

Control is one reason kids might binge, eat compulsively, diet and obsess about their bodies. Since they can’t control much else about their environment, controlling their food intake can give them the sense of safety and security they need. Kids that eat in order to gain a sense of control will likely not react well to your attempts to stop their behavior. You may succeed in keeping food from your child, but then you would have exerted control over her. The end result of this will be that she becomes even more obsessed with food- it now represents even more power than before. You may think, “so what? If I just take the food away from her that I don’t want her eating, she won’t gain weight and she won’t be able to binge or eat compulsively. Then the problem will be solved.” Unfortunately, the answer may not be so easy. You’re caught between a rock and a hard place when you have a child showing signs of an eating disorder and you’re trying to help. The more you take control of the child’s food, the more he wants control back. Of course, as the parent, you will probably win out…for awhile. If the situation escalates, your child is on the road to an eating disorder. Even if you make sure that binging doesn’t happen while you’re in charge, you won’t be in charge forever.

 

One day, your kid will become an adult. With years of reinforcement of the idea that food = control and no one dictating what he should eat, the odds are higher that he will have developed a full-blown eating disorder. Food as Comfort Another major reason children might develop compulsive eating habits or binge is that they are trying to comfort themselves. For almost everyone- regardless of whether they have eating disorders or not- food can be very comforting. There is a lot of speculation as to why this is, from food causing the release of feel-good brain chemicals to our association of eating with the comfort of our mothers. As soon as we’re born, our mother feeds us and a positive association is created: comfort and safety goes with food. So it’s not surprising that almost everyone indulges in food for comfort sometimes. But for people with BED or compulsive overeating, this turns into a habit. It becomes their way of coping with negative feelings. Children are no different in this regard. One way you can tell that your child is eating to self-soothe is if her binges or compulsive need to eat occurs right after something upsetting has happened to her. For instance, your daughter might come home from school upset because she just got into a bad argument with her best friend. Soon after she comes in the door, she’s got a whole box of cookies and it’s looking like she intends to eat all of them. Sometimes, the child’s binging will happen right after something reminds him of a distressing situation that happened in the past. An example might be that he raids the fridge when someone mentions their father calling them up…but his father hasn’t called him or come to see him in over a year. FAQ: Helping a Child Who Binges or Overeats Compulsively I think my child has an eating problem. What can I do to stop it? Well, you have already taken the first step. You’re taking the time to read information about these sorts of eating problems, which is one of the most important things you can do. So many things about compulsive eating and binge eating disorder are counter-intuitive, which is why people can spend a lifetime struggling against them. Especially when dealing with a child exhibiting disordered eating behavior or obsessing about dieting, finding a therapist or psychiatrist that specializes in eating disorders is the next step. While some family doctors understand eating disorders well, they’re very rare. Surprisingly, many counselors and therapists fail to recognize eating disorders as well. Your best option is to get a consultation with someone who understands eating disorders, because they are the ones likely to recognize and offer useful information for a client with BED. Above, I mentioned that a parent trying to help a child with an eating problem is in a sticky situation. The parent probably has control over what food the kid has access to. It seems logical to exercise this control so the child cannot binge. But as we’re seeing, BED is not logical. Controlling your child’s food will probably only serve to make the problem worse. The problem may look like it’s about food, but it’s not. BED and compulsive eating are all about the child’s thought process that leads him to binge. If the kid is binging because it makes him feel like he’s got some control over his life, you taking control of his food may backfire. Food will become even more appealing to him. Even if you make sure he can’t indulge those cravings, they are still there. He will seek out other ways to comfort himself and obtain safety/stability, often through substance abuse and/or developing new obsessive or compulsive behaviors. When dealing with an adult who has BED, concerned friends and family members are told not to pressure her on issues related to food or weight/dieting. This is just one more way that the treatment of BED is counter-intuitive. When it’s a child who has BED, the situation is more complicated. People with BED recover best when the people in their lives avoid those touchy subjects and allows them to work on recovering from BED at their own pace. Low or no pressure is just as helpful for children as it is for adults. The problem is, a parent has an obligation to care for her child’s health. She is also the one who makes decisions as to what’s best for the child and makes sure the child receives medical care when necessary. So a parent has to strike the right balance between caring for her child and implementing a solution that will really work. This is why an eating disorder specialist is so important. They can help you find effective ways to handle the situation. What if I’m Not the Child’s Parent? Maybe you’re here looking for information on how to help a kid who is showing signs of BED or compulsive eating, but you’re not his parent. There are things you can do to help a child who seems to have an eating problem. If you’ve read the info above, you already know that talking about food, dieting and weight is more likely to make the child’s problem worse, not better. Often, a child who is about to binge or compulsively eat is trying to deal with negative emotions, such as loneliness, boredom or sadness. If you’ve noticed a kid is developing that sort of problem, you may be able to tell what it is that the child is trying to cope with. He wants to use food to make himself feel better, but as an adult, you can probably tell what he’s really looking for. Is he lonely or isolated? Do the adults around him spend time with him? Chances are very good that simply spending some time with the child will give him what he really needs. Talk to him, acknowledge him, give him a compliment that is the opposite of the put-downs he gets from the kids at school or at home.

 

My sister, Angela, used to have a roommate who was the mother of a seven year old girl, Alicia. Alicia’s father hadn’t been seen in years and her mother struggled to make ends meet. Her mom was rarely at home because she had a full time job, went to college full time and whenever she had a minute to spare, she wanted to spend it with whatever man she was dating.

 

Alicia was bullied at school, but her mom would tell her it’s her own fault nobody liked her because she was a stupid brat. She told Alicia she was fat and going to get even fatter every day when she would microwave a hot dog for herself or eat candy the mom stocked the kitchen with. However, her mom continued buying tons of candy and hot dogs and refused to cook food for Alicia. My sister would watch TV whenever she was at home and quickly noticed that if Alicia saw her, she would always come over and watch TV, too. Angela realized that Alicia wanted to do whatever she was doing. The little girl was lonely and liked it that Angela didn’t ignore her or call her names. One night, Angela watched as Alicia went to the fridge, even though she’d just eaten a large dinner. Alicia had been trying to get her mom’s attention right before that, but as usual, the mom ignored her. My sister understood exactly what was happening…but she also knew the worst thing she could do would be to tell Alicia to put the food back. “Hey, Alicia, do you want to help me clean up the house?” Alicia lit up and came running over. She forgot about the food. As Angela suspected, she wanted someone to do something with her- anything- even cleaning!

 

Even if you are not the parent of the child who’s eating compulsively, you can make a difference. Many of us can look back to our childhoods and remember a person who really helped us. You can be that person to a kid!

 

 

To treat BED itself, talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, biofeedback/neurofeedback, exercise, mindfulness training and many other treatments are possible. On this site, we discuss these treatments so that people with BED can choose the best one for themselves.

 

 

 

Can children and teenagers have BED?

 

 

Yes.  Children and teenagers can develop binge eating disorder, especially if they have some of the risk factors for it.

 

If you suspect your child has BED, you are doing the right thing to seek out information so you understand the problem. Your child can overcome BED and lead a normal life if you help him/her receive the proper treatment. Take the time to browse our site and learn more about BED and compulsive overeating. Then seek the assistance of a therapist or doctor that specializes in treating eating disorders. With your help and commitment and a medical specialist as a guide, you can help your child.

 

 

 

What causes Binge Eating Disorder?

 

 

There are many factors that are associated with binge eating disorder. Most importantly, binge eating is a disordered way of coping with feelings that are otherwise intolerable.

 

 

People with BED likely do not have adequate skills for coping with stress in a healthy manner. Eating is soothing in and of itself, plus many foods are loaded with sugar and fat combinations or chemical additives that encourage addiction (even people with no eating disorder are left scratching their heads sometimes, wondering why they couldn’t leave some food alone…they always felt compelled to eat it again and again). 

 

 

Unfortunately, binge eating only helps a person feel better temporarily. And much like alcohol or drugs, over time a binge eater develops a tolerance to the positive feeling food induces, so they eat more to get the same effect. Much of the time, the foods chosen for binges are processed foods. When eaten regularly in large quantities, these foods encourage poor health, which exacerbates conditions like ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.  These foods can also simply make a binge eater feel sick or tired. To cope with these negative feelings, someone with BED will just feel compelled to binge again. A cycle is created that is difficult to stop- and that’s only considering the impact of food additives.

 

 

Some people with BED have no history of abuse, but many do have physical, verbal or sexual abuse or neglect in their pasts. Whatever the cause, people with BED have not developed healthy coping strategies for negative emotions. Often, these emotions are constant and/or extreme, so the person with BED ends up using food to cope.